As i have found out that there is more to lfie than just what people see on the outside of it. More so in gay life. I may only be short of 22, but I have learned a lot over the years, many things the hard way. I don't regret anything, nor do I want to change anything. I may not be satisfied with who I am or what my situation is right now, but Ihave lived my life, and hope to continue living my life as I see fit, well, with th help & advice of many friends. ;)
There is more to life than just sex and work. Especially over the past few months to a year I have realized many things. The friendships I have made and bonds I have formed with many people. Many people who are not in the same place age/work/time-wise that I may be. My closet friend is an older woman and mother of 5. It has to be one of the most open & free friendships I have made almost. I ahve realized the value of children. ALthough I am still unsure of if I will eventually want them or not, her 2 year old has taught me many things. Life goes faster than you realize when you look back on things. So, you need to share these moments and spend them having fun. Life is simple, its the people you choose to include that makes things complicated. Sure, every friendship relationship has it's rough spots but those can be taken care of.
If you make a friend and when you're away from them for a long period of time, chances are they are probably worth staying in contact with one way or another. When I moved back to WV from Pittsburgh, I realized this. Plus, it's always nice to have friends around the world (just in case of major road trips, haha jk) But honestly, I try pretty well to stay in contact with several people from Pittsburgh either by just texting/MySpace (thank goodness for that), and even snail mail. I am a huge fan of snail mail, really. It makes me happy to send people actual physical things and especially when I get them. They are more unexpected than a text or an e~mail, really.
Two year olds are scared of things but they learn over time the world isn't a scary place and begin to accept things as they are and become unafraid. Somewhere along the line we learn to be scared of things once again. I can only hope some of those things we learn to trust once again, but still it's good ot be scared of something things. A little bit of fear keeps the spice of life going, I believe. Well, at least the adrenaline pumping, lol. Taleigh has taught me a LOT of patience and understanding. A great deal of care and time goes into introducing a small child into the world and growing up. They look up at people for help for what seems to us, easy tasks. Walking down steps, eating, and that puppies are cute. Once we get older many of us don't have the perfect suffecient role model to look up to anymore, at least in a personal matter. So, what we have left is each other in our peer group and out of of peers. Not to mention back to the begining of a small child.
I guess what I keep rambling about is that life somewhere along the line is better than what we know it to be. Not only did I almost despise Abbey (my mom's puppy) when she first got it, but couldn't wait to haul it off. Now, even though I still get aggrevated with her, she is teaching me as much as I am her. You can't expect an 8week old puppy to know everything that you want it to, it takes TIME. They aren't delibratelly eating your shoes, tearing up you Prada, or pooing in the tomato plants out of spite, they just haven't been taugh not to yet. I think we all need to be taught new things everyday. Eventually I hope each one of us comes to a point where we realize that, and maybe we're mad just b/c we haven't been taugh how else to handle something or that there just may be a way.
I have to admit, not everything I do is in realtion to what I preach, I infact am still learning, too. I have wanted to take the easy way out more than once, but I have not out of fear. It's something good to be scared of in a way. My hope is that one day we all will just learn better.
ANd of course, we all might not be the head of a gay resrot in teh Caribbean someday, but thanksfully that's not for everyone in the first place, lol... b/c we have to be everywhere else for anyone else.